Ode to albatrosses

In the spirit of making lists, I thought I’d do this one for the best people in the world.

Why I love my friends:

1. When I’m drunk and fall over they sit down next to me and promise that if I’m sick on their shoes they’ll kill me.
2. They tell me everything, even the stuff about their boyfriend’s bed manner that I really didn’t want to know.
3. When I’m sad they give me a hug even though they’re very late and it’s raining.
4. They’ll catch my bus every day even though it gets them home twenty minutes later and makes them late for work.
5. They don’t hate me even though I’m a useless worthless person who will never do anything other than contemplate christmas pudings and procrastinate.
6. When ugly scary people tell me that we have to shag because they’ve never had an asian woman before, they put their arms around me and tell the scary people to fuck off and stop hitting on their girlfriend.
7. They still text me even though they know that I can’t text them back, just because they want me to feel loved.
8. They tell me it’s okay when I elbow them in the face and knock their drink into their lap.
9. They act outraged when soneone tells me I’m a bitch even though they know its true and call me one all the time.
10. They’re the best friends in the world and I love them to pieces and stuff. They’re great and brilliant, and beautiful and have worse taste in men than me.
11. They would postpone a dirty weekend with their boyfriend just because it’s my birthday and they don’t want to miss it.
12. They take me out of myself and away from everything when I’m turning into a depressed alcoholic because of my dumbass boyfriend.
13. They would chuck their drink over said dumbass boyfriend because I’m being a pathetic depressed alcoholic again.
14. They’re all beautiful and I’m shallow and love beautiful people.
15. They love me enough to be upset when I’m going to miss major events like their 18th birthday.
16. They tell me when I’m acting like a complete numpty, and they encourage me when I’m getting better.
17. They don’t tell me I’m an idiot when I do something which I know will go wrong, and turns out to go even worse than I imagined. They just say “poor Harriet”.
18. When I’m lying on the pavement and so drunk that even the police keep slowing down to check that I’m alive, they get random drunks to help pick me up and sit me on the wall.
19. They amuse me by drinking in the stupidest places. For example pernod and coke in a coke bottle during a biology lesson. Or weird pink cocktail in a glass slipper in the common room. Or vodka and orange juice in the corridor outside the study room.
20. They ignore me when I’m being silly and let me get on with it because they’ve learnt that when I wish to be silly, I’m damn well going to be and there’s nothing they can do to stop it.

Labels: Friendship, Lists