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Sunday, January 06, 2008 

A better time for love

How do good relationships fall apart? Maybe we fall into ruts, get tired of doing the same things, the same people, again and again. Maybe we fall in love with someone else- we don’t mean to, but sometimes you can’t help when you fall, or who it happens to be for. Maybe life gets in the way, a far away job, an illness, even a death. Maybe you’ve just forgotten who it was you fell in love with, and realise that the person you’re waking up next to every morning isn’t it anymore. Honestly I don’t know, if you love someone, why let them go?

I never intended to fall in love. I asked him how it felt to be loved by me once, he replied, “how does it feel to have broken the girl who couldn’t love, who didn’t want to, and who loved being single? It feels awesome.”

That’s how he sees it- he broke me, changed me into someone slightly different, someone maybe slightly better. But I never asked to be broken; it’s just something that happened accidentally along the way. And, occasionally, I wonder what it would have been like if I hadn’t been broken. I wonder what it would be like if I were allowed to kiss other boys, to act a little more my age, and to shake off the ties that are currently holding me back from doing those things.

We have a good relationship. I have a white gold commitment ring that promises, and reminds me, that I am promised to him, and that I must stay faithful. I love him more than I ever imagined I could love anything, or anyone. I don’t think I could ever love anyone more than I love him, but sometimes I wonder if we found each other too young.

Once I made the comparison of love to flying, once I thought love a myth similar, just out of reach, like I were built to love like I’m built for flying. And now that I’ve had experience of one, I think I wouldn’t be able to handle the other. As soon as you think you’ve got it sussed, suddenly something happens to make you think that you don’t know anything.

So how do good relationships fail? They fail when one person wants something slightly more, when everything is no longer enough. They fail when someone like me looks around and thinks that it might be nice to kiss another boy, when someone like me makes the biggest mistake of her life because she thinks there’s a better time for love.


A reflective and wise piece as ever. I could give you many examples of friends of mine who have had perfect relationships that have failed for just this reason, timing - and usually always too soon rather than too late.

But better advice perhaps - enjoy what you have, for what it is, while it lasts, as long as it lasts.

Happy New Year and that, Hattie.

If this is all you have to worry about, then you sound like you're doing alright.

Keep on being that duck!

He says he "broke" you? I don't like the sound of that. I think he should be having relationships with horses rather than women.

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  • An albatross can fly for thousands of miles without getting tired. I've always thought that love is similar to flying, therefore we should aspire to be like the albatross.

    I don't know if I can do that. So far I haven't been so lucky. But one day I'll test my wings with someone, and flying won't be so hard after all. Or so painful.
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    * In 2001 one New Zealand fishing boat killed over 300 seabirds in just one trip, while fishing for ling.
    * Each year over 300,000 seabirds are killed by longline fishing.
    * Over the past 60 years some albatross populations have declined by 90%.
    * Annually around 10,000 albatross and petrels are caught in New Zealand waters alone.
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